Ladies and Gentlemen.
Here is a story - a true story about (and done) by myself.
One Tuesday I decided to tie up the wisteria which had broken loose from the front of our bungalow. Our bungalow, I should explain, has one large pitched roof over most of it, and a smaller pitched roof over the front. No access between.
I put a small ladder up to the roof, and once up there, lay back on the roof, heels in concrete gutter and worked along. I could reach both wisteria and rope (on hook in wall) easily, but could not pull up the wisteria and tie the rope at the same time.
I have an extending boathook about 10 feet extended and with this, I pushed the wisteria into place, wedged it on the ladder, went on the roof and tied the wisteria. Just as I finished tying, the wisteria sagged and the boathook went upward, propelled by the ladder jerking straight as the load left it.
I caught the boathook, then realised the ladder was now lying on the lawn. It was no problem, as I reversed the boathook to hook onto the ladder and lift it up to me.
This I tried with no result, eventually reversing the boathook to examine the hook. It had broken off, not slipped from the branch!
It was about now that it occurred to me that things were not going well. Never mind, I thought, it's now about 4.15 and many friends will pass by soon. This they did, and in spite of my waving and shouting, they just shouted and waved back.
Many passed by on foot, on cycles, with dogs, prams, children, in cars, and all called out and waved, except for one gentleman who looked at me apprehensively and crossed the road.
I then thought, Audrey will be home soon, I'll be O.K. Audrey did come, I made sign language, Audrey waved back from the car, carried on down the drive on the other side of the house, went in the house, took off coat, changed shoes and went down garden!
I sat back, resigned to a night on the tiles. Fortunately, Audrey came after about 20 minutes to see if I was coming in. I was saved!!
Don't anyone tell me they were "out on the tiles" - I don't want to know - I've been there!
written by Norman Linney
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page last updated 20 JULY 1997