Lady in chemist shop with baby: "I have been told to weigh the baby and I understand you can do this."

"Yes, but unfortunately our scales are broken at present, however, I think we might find a way around the problem. If Mother would stand on the adult scales with baby and then hand baby to me I will record the weight of mother and baby and mother alone. The difference between the two weights will be the weight of baby."

"That sounds an excellent idea but I am afraid it will not work in this case. You see I am not the child's mother I am her auntie."

A Preacher, who was noted for his long sermons, announced that his subject for the Morning Service would be "The Milk of Human Kindness."

From the choir stalls a voice was heard to whisper rather loudly, "Condensed, I hope!"

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