|
It all began for me with the presentation of a beautifully be-ribboned envelope containing flowerpetals and a wedding invitation. It was explained that this was something a couple should do only once in their lives, and to give due honour to their guests, each invitation should be delivered to them personally by hand. In fact, this relationship had really begun many years before, when Alison and Bharat had met at medical school in Cardiff. Although their relationship was known and acknowledged by brothers and sisters, and their contemporaries, they had remained very reticent about it to their own parents, I imagine because they were a little concerned about their reactions. Even as their professional lives took them to different parts of the country, they met frequently, and now had finally decided to face up to any family problems, and get married. I know Alison's father was very conventional and would love to have arranged a traditional church wedding for his daughter, rather than witness the two ceremonies they were planning - a civil one followed by a Hindu one - all to be held at Highclere Castle. No good parent can stand in the way of a daughter's happiness, so father accepted the inevitable with slight regret but good grace. Arrangements were further complicated by the fact that Highclere Castle was nowhere near any of our homes, so copious family discussions and phone calls were in hand until a final strategy was agreed upon. We all began our planning to get to the distinguished venue at the appropriate time. What a wonderful venue it was too! Highclere Castle was once the country seat of the Bishop of Winchester and now the seat of the Earls of Carnarvon. It was rebuilt in 1824 by Sir Charles Barry, the architect of the Houses of Parliament - and this was certainly evident in the grandeur of the place with its great vaulted ceilings, gothic arches and galleries, wall tapestries and paintings, huge fireplaces and fine porcelain. When we arrived at this impressive building on the summit of Beacon Hill, we were greeted by a Master of Ceremonies dressed in the traditional costume of a formal toast master in scarlet frockcoat and grey top hat. We were ushered into a small ante-room to be welcomed by a gaggle of Asian ladies in the most spectacular saris and sparkling gold jewellery. These were the nieces of the groom and they presented each one of us with a red rosebud. There was lots of laughter and greetings. Their delight was infectious. We were hugged and welcomed over and over again. After this ecstatic welcome we progressed into the main hall - first passing a collage of many photographs of the bride and groom, marking their lives from birth to the present day - quite fun tracing their physical development. As for the hall - we were overwhelmed by the beauty of it all - the flower arrangements, the many and varied costumes, the blazing fire, the little string quartet playing sweet and gentle English folk songs. It was a scene of contrasts - soberly dressed Englishmen and varied and colourful Asians, some men almost as brilliantly dressed as the ladies, with Nehru jackets embroidered with gold and silver thread, golden slippers with turned-up toes! Soon we were summoned to a reception with the groom's parents in another beautiful room - tall windows overlooking acres of lawns and woodland. The immediate family was there to greet us, father and brother in cream and gold splendour, mother in scarlet and gold sari, and sisters in their resplendent jewels and sparkling saris. I noticed that there seemed to be a pattern of colour for the men of the family - young boys wore a mauve jacket, older boys a lighter brown robe and maturer men of the family in cream and gold. Father greeted us with great warmth and enthusiasm "Welcome to the family, you are family". Mother was very quiet and sweet but unable to speak very much English but we made up for it with hugs. After this exchange of greetings we were ushered back to the main hall where all were gathered for the civil ceremony. At a fixed signal the Master of Ceremonies announced the arrival of the bride and groom. We watched their progress along the arched gallery and down the huge oak staircase to the accompaniment of the string quartet - a fitting approach to a restrained and solemn exchange of promises. With all the appropriate formalities completed we followed the couple into yet another reception room for wine and canapés and further exchange of pleasantries with so many varied and interesting people, Asian and English, family and friends, contemporaries from student days and colleagues from the medical world. Then followed more official photographs until the couple withdrew to prepare for the Hindu ceremonies, to change from their Western style clothes into traditional Hindu robes. You could sense the excitement and anticipation as we waited. The ceremony began with the blowing of a conch shell. With Indian music playing in the background, the groom processed slowly round the arched gallery and down the broad staircase accompanied by his brother, both dressed in cream and gold. Bharat paused at the foot of the staircase, stamping hard on grains on the floor - symbolising the crushing of all past wrongs, so that no obstacles would come between him and his bride. According to custom, and much to his delight, the bride's young nephew James had to throw grains at the groom and her little niece Catherine stood holding what looked like a highly decorated Fabergé egg above her head. I learned that it represented a coconut and contained a gold necklace, which was later placed around the bride's neck by the groom as a symbol of the husband's protection. The bride's mother gave greetings to the groom by circling his face with a lighted candle. With this ceremony completed the groom and his family processed to the Mandap Room and guests were invited to follow. As they entered the room caste marks were placed on their foreheads - ladies with decorative beads, men with the accustomed ochre mark. Bharat was already seated under the canopy of the Mandap, a gloriously coloured pavilion tent supported by four large pillars representing the virtues needed for a happy life. Then the marriage ceremonies began, led by a Hindu priest who talked us through all the rituals. Bharat was seated between his brother and one of his sisters, and a brilliant red curtain was held in front of him to prevent him from seeing his bride enter the Mandap. When she appeared she was wearing a red and gold wedding sari and followed by bridesmaids carrying garlands. At the appropriate moment the curtain was removed, the couple greeted each other and the ceremony began. It was interesting to see parallels with our own more restrained service. Prayers of purification were said for peace and blessing, and the couple were to sip water from the holy rivers of India. The god Vishnu was invited to be present, and the priest outlined the commitment of marriage according to the scriptures. He made an announcement of resolution and the couple were named and asked for their agreement to the resolution. Then came the uniting of the families. We were told that this was the beginning of a new dynasty. Lovely garlands of red and white carnations were exchanged. In turn, each parent garlanded the other, and then each tied gold and red cords around each other's wrists. All this was followed by the presentation of the gold necklace and the father of the bride handed her to the groom's family; this was considered the greatest gift of all. Following this, the couple made their vows and they too exchanged garlands as a show of respect and mutual consideration to each other. They too tied a cord around each other. A knot was also tied in two shawls - one red and one white - the knot blessed by the priest that it would never be undone and that they would be united forever. I thought "Those whom God has joined together, let no man put asunder". God was then made manifest in the form of fire - asking for further blessing. Mixed grains were thrown into the fire with more prayers being said. After each petition the guests gave the response "Swaha" meaning "I witness". The priest offered all their vows to the fire, and the couple circled the fire four times symbolising the development of a true fulfilling of life together in the practice of the four greatest virtues for true happiness. Then came a symbolic meal of sweet confections followed by the couple taking seven steps into marriage with seven petitions for a good life, and blessings were offered from the bride and groom's families. At the end of each prayer everyone declared "Akhandya Sobwagavati" - "may you live long and stay married forever". Following this the priest offered a final blessing and declared Bharat and Alison husband and wife. The ceremony concluded with blessings from the two families, everyone repeating "May you live long and stay married forever". It was indeed a most impressive ceremony, particularly the emphasis on family relationships and lifelong commitment. relationships and lifelong commitment. Long may it endure. It was not over yet! Next followed further feasting in yet another castle room, this time a lofty book-lined library. Young James was convinced there must be a secret doorway somewhere and was delighted when, later on, the Master of Ceremonies, hearing his theory, took him aside and showed him the very thing! He opened the door and led him into a secret room where he was allowed to sit in a chair that had once been Napoleon's! His delight was unbounded. To return to the meal, it again was a traditional meal with many sweetmeats and a variety of wines. The wedding cake consisted of individual sweetmeats arranged in three tiers of colourful fruits and creams, all of different patterns and flavours; delicious. All this was followed by speeches from the groom and a special friend. The Master of Ceremonies then asked if anyone else would like to speak. To me came one of the high spots of the proceedings. My brother-in-law stood up and completely spontaneously spoke for a few minutes. He said he had been brought up with the saying "East is East and West is West and never the twain shall meet", and that this situation had proved it wrong, and indeed, East had met West and he was pleased to be part of that coming together. We all felt very proud of him for it had not always been easy for him to accept this union. I know Alison, his daughter, was very touched by this gesture. All was not over yet! Little Catherine had by this time curled up on a huge settee like a little dormouse and was fast asleep, unconscious of the babble of conversations still going on, waiting for the departure of the bride and groom. It was by now well past eleven o'clock! We waited by the great door of the castle for them to come out into the darkness. Confetti was not allowed but as we stood there in the cold, we were each given a very large sparkler and when the couple finally appeared the sparklers were lit, and they emerged into a great archway of stars and cheers. A wonderful send-off. We returned to the castle, really uplifted by the wonder of it all. Back to another reception room, we were greeted with coffee and a great bubbling bowl of curry - too much for me but a fitting ending to the momentous day. The memories and the sights and sounds, the scents and the symbols still linger in the memory, and I trust will colour the lives of Alison and Bharat for the rest of their lives. "May they live long and stay married forever". JEAN BRICE |
|
page last updated 20 JULY 2002 |
