Family holiday at Exmouth

21st to 28th June 2003.

On Tuesday 24th June, after first Lauren, and then Dawn had been poorly with stomach pains, Tina asked when it would be her turn to be sick. She followed this by saying she has a strong constitution and never has stomach problems.

On Wednesday 25th June, at 0500 hours, Dawn arrived at Ted and Eve's caravan with baby Jack. She stated that Tina and Lee had been up all night with a tummy bug and that she had brought Jack to Ted and Eve's caravan as a precaution against Jack catching it.

At 1315 hours Lee contacted Dawn and said, "Tina has had an accident, please come down to our caravan." Dawn wanted to know what had happened, but because Lee was still poorly, he didn't feel like having a discussion and said again, "Just get here as quickly as you can."

As Dawn left Ted and Eve's caravan, she said, ”You had better come too mum. No perhaps it would be best if Dad came instead." Ted searched around for something to put on his bare feet and found his slippers. At the speed of light, Ted left his caravan and ran towards the caravan where Tina was staying. Ted decided it would be quicker to run along the grassy slope rather than use the safer and more appropriate road route. His loose fitting size 10 slippers, with 'Man made soles' made travelling at speed difficult, but this was an emergency. To gain access to Tina's caravan, Ted had to negotiate a four foot bank. He had seen other people jump down this five foot bank, so why shouldn't an 18 stone, 6 feet 2 inch highly intelligent, super fit, overweight athletic pensioner with a bad back do the same?

When Ted arrived at the bank it appeared someone had caused the bank to be steeper and it was now more like 6 feet high. This emergency called for a pensioner with a brain that worked faster than a computer, was super fit, was a finely tuned athlete and had a vast knowledge of first aid. This was obviously a job for Grandad Ted. There was no time for delay, and Grandad Ted was going to be a hero. Grandad Ted remained stationary at the top of the 10 foot bank for a fraction of a second, and then launched himself into space. It was about now that Grandad Ted wondered why he was attempting such a dangerous mission without first obtaining and wearing a parachute. As the ground rushed towards him Ted's quick thinking suggested it would be better to use the safer road route, unfortunately he was in mid air and could only continue with his flight. Just before his feet touched the ground, Ted got his legs moving the way he had seen "The Road Runner" do it in cartoons. This seemed to work for approx. 1½ seconds, then Ted realised he was in serious trouble, he was OK all the time his feet were travelling neck and neck with his body, but when his body started to overtake his feet, it was only the adrenalin pumping through his veins that kept him upright.

This situation could not last and with an almighty thump, Ted crashed to the ground. Before anyone was able to see Ted spread eagled on the ground, he bounced up as though he were a child's rubber ball. The pain in his grazed knee and elbow had to be ignored and with one almighty bound he landed in the caravan. Dawn was already with Tina and tending her injured eye that was bleeding. She told Ted to take over because she had to return to his caravan to collect her mobile phone. Tina was sitting on the floor of the toilet with her back resting on the wall. There was a cut above her right eye, she was as white as a ghost and she had a vacant look in her eyes. Her appearance resembled someone who had gone 11½ rounds of boxing with Mike Tyson before being knocked unconscious. Ted and Lee managed to get Tina on her feet and half drag her towards the lounge. Half way across, Tina collapsed again. Ted, with his vast knowledge of first aid, placed her in the recovery position and Lee brought a pillow to rest her head on. Ted was in control of the situation but was wishing he had brought his Swiss Army Penknife with him, just in case it was necessary to perform a life saving operation on Tina. Dawn, the camp manager and a female first aider arrived and after asking some questions decided to call for an ambulance. Tina, who was still lying on the floor, stated she was not going to hospital. About this time, Dawn's mobile phone rang, Dawn said it was Dave. Tina, who was still lying semi-conscious on the floor of the caravan, quickly told Dawn not to tell Dave she was injured. Dawn lied, saying "Hello Dave, Tina is at the beach with the kids; I will get Tina to call you back when she returns." The ambulance arrived and after doing a check of Tina's condition, decided it was best to have her checked out at the local hospital. Tina was still objecting, and wanted to know who was going to administer Jack's medication if she went to hospital? Dawn told Tina that wasn't a problem because she had explained it all to her mum (Eve ) that morning and she would give Jack his medication.

Tina left in the ambulance with Dawn following in her car. Ted, acting with great bravery considering the pain he was experiencing after diving from that 20 foot bank, limped back to his caravan. Eve wanted to know what had happened and queried Jack's medication. Ted said, "You will have to give it to him; Dawn explained it to you this morning." Eve was flabbergasted, she said, ”Dawn has not told me anything." A search of Jack's medication box revealed a card setting out what medication Jack should be given, and with a heated discussion and lots of ”No not like that" and "Do it this way" between Ted and Eve, the medication was administered successfully.

It was now time for Ted and Eve to relax. Ted with his super intelligent and fast working brain, began to analyse the holiday activities so far. He came to the conclusion this was not a holiday Dawn had decided for Ted and Eve. She had been watching too many Reality game shows on TV. Ted suggested Eve should help him look for the hidden cameras, because he was sure this was one of those survival Reality TV Game Shows. No cameras were found, so Ted in desperation stood on the balcony outside his caravan and shouted... "I'M A GRANDFATHER, GET ME OUT OF HERE". People passing laughed but no-one came to his assistance.

Ted Inwood