'Twas once upon our Pantomime
In far off land and distant time
That fairies five, all known by name:
Daz, Persil, Bold and Queen Snow came.
Because this was a Pantomime
We added wicked Fairy Grime.
We hissed and booed, but truth to tell
She's not that bad, I know her well.
Poor dear, denied an invitation
To join the Christening celebration,
Gate crashed the party anyway,
Determined she should have her say.
Immediately pronounced a curse
Upon the child, and what was worse,
Said Fair Snow, "What's willed by one
Cannot by others be undone."
She was, however, able to
A portion of the spell undo.
She would not die she thence decreed
But sleep one hundred years, indeed
Until a Prince should happen by
And did our Princess there espy.
A chance indeed he could not miss
To win a bride, would plant a kiss
Upon her somewhat dusty brow
And end the curse, and that is how
Our Pantomime thus got its name
And Fairy Grime got all the blame.
I see that I've forgot to tell
The details of the wicked spell.
So here I'll add that it would be
To prick her finger fatally
Whilst using a machine to sew -
A Princess sewing' - Surely no!
But, not the nicest gift I'd say
To get on your sixteenth birthday.
The Court was in some consternation
About this serious situation
Till someone had a bright idea
And suddenly it all was clear.
Just trash all sewing machines and
There'd be no fear she'd prick her hand.
The Herald called, and Alfred came
And Harold, monetary gain
And beer appearing here to be
Prime motives for efficiency.
The King thought he would be quite thrifty
And offer them just two pounds fifty.
His grip upon the Royal Purse
Was doomed to make the matter worse,
As meanness with the Palace coffers
Would make them prey to better offers.
And later when they had to hand
From everywhere throughout the land
Sewing machines, both old and new,
They met a dear sweet lady, who
With cover story most inventive
And extra financial incentive
Successfully with them she pleaded
For one machine she claimed she needed.
And since we'd met her once before
We knew what that was needed for!
The Royal Palace Chefs were keen
To make the most of their machine
For making sausages they knew
Were needed for a barbecue.
Manure, the script, small child, Oh dear!
Whatever happened to pass near
Enough to grab, apparently
Was added to the recipe.
You'd travel far for food to see
Of such diverse variety.
And later you'll be pleased to know
Before the ending of our show
Poor Fairy Grime had cause to hide,
A 'cupboard' found to creep inside.
A rash decision that did take her
Inside the Palace sausage maker.
And was it this, we ask the question,
Which gave the Court such indigestion?
The Princess, wishing all to play
At Hide and Seek, she slipped away.
Found, having climbed an attic stair
A room she had not known was there.
Was (taking then a peep inside),
Surprised to find it occupied.
A dear old lady sewing there
In darkened loft, so full of care.
Did such a sorry tale pour out
How much afflicted with the gout
Was trying very hard to sew
But didn't think she'd manage though.
Our brave Princess offered assistance;
The poor old dear put up resistance.
Princesses always get their way,
And in this case it didn't pay!
In vain we urged her not to linger,
She did, she sewed, she pricked her finger!
And after this disaster - we
All went and had a cup of tea!
THE INTERVAL
Harold and Alf, that clever pair
Eventually had found her there
But were completely undecided
Was she asleep, or had she die-ded!
A journey of such tedious length
Had probably just sapped her strength,
On sight, had led them to suppose
She had just laid down for a doze.
Two mirrors and one feather later
They thought they had sufficient data
To make the expert diagnosis:
It was a case of coma-tosis.
The Queen was obviously distraught,
The King considered that they ought
To shop, a purchase should be made
Of special three star lemonade.
He sent the Butler off to find
Said liquid of a spiritual kind.
(Which meant, of course, he would be fated
To miss the sleep much elongated).
Our Fairy Snow to stage did leap
And sang the rest of them to sleep.
A thought has just occurred to me,
What did we put into their tea!
An ancient gent, with furrowed brow
And grey of beard arrived, and now
We found one hundred years had passed,
The Butler had got home at last.
He moaned a bit, and so would you
If you'd spent that long in a queue!
He met, whilst struggling through the brambles
(Reminded me of Parish Rambles!)
A handsome Prince, who's horse was broken.
On hearing of the needed token
This gallant Prince declared his duty
Would be to rescue Sleeping Beauty.
Just stopping momentarily -
He had to give his horse her tea -
Planted his kiss, the deed was done
The curse dis-spelled, the bride was won.
(The kiss was for the girl, of course,
He'd hardly want to kiss the horse).
The whole Court started to awaken -
In time to have their photos taken.
One final song, all took their bow
Our Panto ended, and that's how
On Friday night, and Saturday
(Two evenings and a matinée)
St George's Players one more time
Performed their annual Pantomime.
Janet Johnson
If you enjoyed this review, you can still see St George's Players Pantomime 'Sleeping Beauty' - on DVD or Video. Price £5 (DVD) £6 (VHS video) [£1 discount for cast]. All profits to the Church. To obtain your copy please telephone John or Janet Johnson 023 9226 5634.
