St George's Players as you know
Each year present a New Year Show.
A Pantomime or a Revue
Is what we usually do.
African Sparkle
The house lights dimmed, our show began
With sounds and scene most African.
We MU ladies then displayed
A multi-coloured dress parade.
I cannot sing, nor dance, nor act,
(And all now know this for a fact!)
To mitigate I must say that
I wore a very fetching hat!
What if?
'Twas Rachel next on, in our show
Who sang and played the piano.
Jack and the Beanstalk - Youth Club
One day in "Once upon a time"
Young Jack a stalk of bean did climb
To try his luck at larceny
From giant ten times large as he.
The lumbering giant moved so slow -
He'd only got from fe-to-fo
Before our Jack as quick could be
Had climbed back down the beanstalk tree.
Jack, having killed the giant dead
(The beanstalk toppled on his head)
Destined to live in luxury
Had golden nuggets for his tea.
Gasman
'Twas Monday, first day of the week,
The gasman came to mend a leak.
He did the job, and did it well,
But broke a floorboard where he fell.
A carpenter soon put that right
But when he left there was no light.
Next day the electrician came.
He fixed the lights, but broke a pane
Of glass, the glazier made a mess,
His efforts no one would impress.
The painter worked in such a rush
He slapped the paint on with his brush.
'Twas found (when he had upped and gone)
They couldn't turn the gas tap on.
At weekends no-one worked at all
A gasman, Monday came to call.
On hearing this I thought that I
Might buy a book on DIY!
Four Men
Four men with nothing else to do
But read their papers, were in view
At front of stage, each spoke a line,
Not pass the parcel - pass the time!
Three little pigs
The story of three little pigs.
One thought she'd build her house of twigs.
The second piglet she chose straw,
Both methods had a serious flaw.
For when the big bad wolf came round
He huffed and puffed them to the ground.
Two pigs for lunch, it wouldn't hurt
To have a third one for dessert.
This piglet wasn't quite so thick,
She'd built her little house of brick.
But wolf said he'd come back at night
And blow it up with dynamite.
Poor piglet squealed in desperation,
Explained by phone the situation
And kind Miss Hood said she'd be there
She'd just to wash and plait her hair.
Though promising that she'd defend her
This lady had her own agenda.
With wolf-skin coat was not content.
(Her mission not so kindly meant),
Poor piglet vanished without trace
Converted to a travelling case.
All the nice girls
Two sailors next appeared on stage,
Complete with parrot in a cage.
These two, back home on leave, from sea
Shared tips, designed to guarantee
Domestic bliss, then sang a song.
The audience here sang along.
Verses
Small boy and lady, dressed for bed
To us contrasting verses read,
The boy, for family he prayed,
The lady articles relayed,
The contents of a magazine.
Our tastes change as we age, 'twould seem.
Jane wore a hat though mighty fine
Was not as elegant as mine!
Bassoon song
If one should wish to serenade
A musically minded maid.
The instrument to make her swoon
Above all others, the bassoon.
Not only love; uses abound
Affected by its mellow sound.
It eases headache, cures a cold.
Small furry rodents are controlled.
For its effect on pests and health
I might just buy one for myself!
Monologue
A monologue to make you smile
Of threesomes stranded on an Isle
Of different nationality.
How each reacted differently.
(For details, should you wish to know
You'll have to buy the video).
Queen
Our ladies worked industriously
Whilst wishing they could all break free.
At last a well deservéd break
From household chores they all did take
For tea and biccies. Did you see
The dainty way they sipped their tea?
No parish in the Diocese
Has ladies with such expertise.
Most truthfully it seems to me
Throughout the land there cannot be
Churchwardens talented as these
Nor one with such distinguished knees!
And here, and later on again
We'd Chris and Jess to entertain
Us, singing and on the guitar.
As well, Chris played harmonica.
Sophie and Jennie danced, and we
All wished we had their energy!
And Lesley, who sang "Wishing" from
Andrew Lloyd Webber's hit "Phantom".
Strictly Come Morris
Our Morris men they numbered eight,
In unison, with measured gait
They round and round in fours did go
Then back and forth, and to and fro.
Effective symmetry created
In patterns very complicated.
At the drop of a hat
The great London Routemaster bus
By nature most gregarious
In scarlet convoys ruled the town.
On errant cabbies bearing down.
And if they hadn't paid their fare
Would rather passengers weren't there.
Alas, last year this splendid bus
Had reached its final terminus.
And secondly a sad lament
About a missing instrument,
A French Horn purchased secondhand
From shop, with much love mended, and
Played by new owner very proudly
(Perhaps a little over loudly?)
So maybe not a great surprise
That is should meet a sad demise
And end its days residing in
Some nearby neighbour's rubbish bin.
Keep Going
Some ladies of our Church said they
Would put on a keep-fit display.
However, as the time drew near
All said that they could not appear.
Left Lynda on the stage alone
With calls and messages by phone.
'Cept Anne, although she'd had to bring
Her poorly arm wrapped in a sling.
And so the people congregated
In the church hall, participated.
Oh how we pushed, twiddled and slapped
Our thighs, and in the air we clapped.
And bonked - yes bonked - the keep fit way.
A word I thought I'd never say
Or rather write, in my review
Which proves there's always something new.
On Saturday, the evening show
Our Morris men they had a go
And proved their talents vast and wide
At keep fit bonking they all tried!
Lucy Long
Then Lucy Long, the second tune
Was played for us on the Bassoon.
The tale was told how back from sea
She visited the King's Navy
And sold her "wares" or possibly
Was doing "what comes naturally"
(But not I think, you can be sure
Quite what I've written just before!)
Love Changes Everything
Then Adrienne began to sing
Of how "Love Changes Everything"
And this sweet melody belongs
In my "Top 10" of favourite songs.
'Allo 'Allo
The year was nineteen forty-five
With Allied troops due to arrive,
The scene a little French café
Owned by our genial host René.
Our hero lived a perilous life
Between the Germans and his wife.
(Whilst helping to protect his nation
Was prone to stray into temptation).
With Germans there of every rank
(Including one who loved a tank).
And other characters of course,
An Undertaker and his 'orse.
Two English airmen poised to flee
Young Fairfax and mate Jeremy.
A Gendarme getting words all wrong,
A lady whose attempts at song
Produced strange eccentricities
Did someone stuff his ears with cheese?
Madame Edith's talents bringing
A new dimension to Jane's singing.
Resistance ladies there were three,
To drainpipes clinging desperately.
During the day Patrons did bring
Their "copy" of Von Clomp's painting,
Gave to René for safe keeping.
Since straightaway he each one in-
To a bucket they all did tip,
It soon became a lucky dip.
The Germans made their getaway
Fairfax decided he would stay.
The paintings travelled far and wide
But no-one knew until they tried
To sell them which of them were fake,
And which the masterpiece did take.
And as we found out at the end
'Twas Fairfax and Yvette his friend.
(I needed "wife", but at the time
I couldn't quite get that to rhyme!)
We finished with the glad refrain
Of wartime days, "We'll meet again".
Our thanks as always now are due
To Front of House and backstage crew,
To all the artistes in our show
And Gwenda on the piano.
Plus last (not least) most vitally
To everyone who made the tea!
Janet Johnson
DVD's of the 2006 Revue are available, price £5 with a discount for cast, from John & Janet Johnson. All proceeds to the Church.
