Cruisin'

“ Bin on a cruise before, mate?”

These are the words we were greeted with from an earinged tattooed man as we embarked on the good ship Ocean Village (ex Arcadia) in Barbados for our week long Caribbean island cruise visiting Trinidad, Margarita, Grenada, St Lucia, St Vincent and back to Barbados.

‘The cruise for people who do not do cruises’ the brochure boasted and I think I know what they mean. Gone are the evening cocktails we have heard so much about. Gone is the Captains table. Gone are the elegant evening dresses and dinner jackets. Gone is the silver service as standard. Say hello to The Plantation Cafeteria style restaurant, the Waterfront Cafeteria and three overworked bars.

Ocean Village prowls through the night mooring at a new island each morning. Passengers are then free to explore or take advantage of one of the many excursions which are laid on for them. Or if they prefer they can stay on board and lounge around the pool catching up on their tan.

The ship lives up to its name and operates exactly like a floating village. There is almost everything there..... the shops, the fast food restaurants (running 24 hours a day) as well as the smarter Bistro restaurant providing gourmet meals with full service. There is a fully stocked gymnasium and health spa, a medical centre, a cinema, a hairdresser, a casino and a full size theatre (with bar, of course). The ship is dripping in waiters and at every turn you are pressed to order a drink. Of course there is method in this madness as for each purchase one simply signs a chitty against your credit card, which has already been lodged with reception. The final account is awaited with dread. I was amazed to learn that with 1600 passengers on board there were no less than 550 crew to look after them, divided into three divisions – Deck, Hotel and Entertainment.

The entertainment was incredible and available almost 24 hours a day. There was everything from high wire acrobatics, lavish shows in the theatre, Salsa lessons, cooking competitions, cricket (Jane scored 46! I got a measly 8!!) cycling, quizzes as well as the two swimming pools (one for adults only!)

The cruise is advertised as being for the young in heart and spirit so the clientele is worth a mention. When booking we were concerned that we would be the oldest fossils on board. I expressed this worry to the booking clerk over the telephone who assured me that would not be the case as, even yesterday, he'd taken a booking from a couple in their 50s! We should not have worried though. The average age must have been well over 60. I myself sat talking to an old gentleman who had had his leg shot off at Monte Casino in 1944! Many elderly ladies disport themselves by the pool each and every day, gently sipping Banks Beer and regaling any one who would listen to their vast cruising experiences. There were plenty of south London bovver boys with their shaven heads, tattoos, raucous voices and mobile phones together with their equally loud partners. There were families and singles too.

Few dress for the evening, preferring to remain in what they got up in although some surrendered to long trousers and garish shirts for the evening’s meals and entertainments. The Bistro and La Luna restaurants catered for those requiring more up market food and service and the more elegantly clothed were to be found there in the evenings.

Overall we had a wonderful time. We investigated an island a day or went beaching by catamaran. We flew around St Lucia by helicopter and discovered the delights of Isla Margarita by open top Jeep over uncharted and rough terrain. We came to rather like the rum which was (over) flowing in one form or another, this being the staple tipple on all activities ashore. However all these activities are deserving of a longer write up at another time.

Being novices to the cruising game our memories of Ocean Village will last us a long time and we would certainly go again so that we too can lie by the pool and air our vast cruising experiences.

One or two tips for the intending Ocean Village cruiser in the Caribbean (Ocean Village also cruises the Mediterranean in the Caribbean Hurricane Season!)

1. Go as a group of 4 or 6.
2. Don’t plan an activity every day. Take a day off now and then.
3. Don’t drop your camera!!
4. Ensure that your cabin is not right next to the bow thrusters especially if you are mooring at 6.30 each morning.
5. Similarly do not have a cabin alongside the funnel or under the dancing area.
6. Go for at least two weeks. It takes a week to find your way round the ship and it’s a long way to fly for just 7 days.
7. Adopt a liking for rum.
8. Take plenty of one-dollar bills. They are useful for getting rid of unwanted attentions of the locals.
9. Be prepared for a vast bill at the end of the week. Don’t think the cruise price quoted is what you will finish up paying or you will be seriously out of pocket!
10. Don’t bother to pack anything smart!

Tony Rice-Oxley

Unbelievable!!

On our cruise in the Caribbean a group went swimming with dolphins. Unfortunately Tony and I had booked another trip but on their return they had a strange tale to tell.

The group took to the water from the catamaran amid a pod of the friendly creatures. After a few minutes one of the ladies swam back and climbed up the ladder. She explained she was being shepherded so closely by one of the dolphins that she couldn’t go anywhere and began to feel a bit claustrophobic. Well, the young Islander told her, you must be pregnant. The lady indignantly refuted the suggestion but on her return to the ship she bought a pregnancy kit and lo and behold.... she was! Apparently dolphins are so sensitively attuned they can hear the second heartbeat and it brings out their maternal feelings.... aren’t they incredible??