Komic Korner

What’s a Priest to do?
If he preaches for over 10 minutes, he’s being long winded
If his sermon is short, he didn’t prepare it
If the parish funds are high, he’s a grasping business man
If he mentions money, he’s money mad
If he visits parishioners, he’s nosey
If he doesn’t, he’s snobbish
If he has fairs and bazaars, he’s bleeding the people
If he doesn’t, there’s no life in the parish
If he celebrates the liturgy in a quiet voice, he’s a bore
If he puts feeling into it, he’s a frustrated actor
If he starts on time, then his watch is fast
If he starts late, he’s holding up the people
If he decorates the church, he’s wasting money
If he doesn’t, he’s letting it run down
If he’s young, he’s inexperienced
If he’s old, he’s past it
If he dies, there was nobody like him and never will be again

At the head of the refectory table one of the nuns had placed a bowl of bright red apples. Beside the box she had placed a note ‘Take one only. Remember God is watching’.

At the other end of the table was a plateful of freshly baked chocolate cakes, still warm from the oven. Beside the cakes, written in a childish hand, was a note which read ‘Take all you like, God is watching the apples!’