This item was found by John Symonds when visiting a church some years ago, and may bring some amusement to members of the Choir….
The practice shall commence at 8.30 or at such time as a sufficient number shall have gathered together. Members are thought more of if they arrive late.
The choir meets one evening a week for the following purposes: to discuss politics, tennis, scandal, or church affairs; to arrange socials, excursions, etc., and to flirt. NB If there is any time not occupied in the foregoing manner, and if the members feel inclined, it might be desirable to have a little singing.
The choir shall consist of sopranos, altos, tenors and basses. All those ladies who cannot read music shall sing alto. Should any lady with a high voice object to singing alto, she is recommended to consult a voice specialist, who will be almost certain to pronounce her a deep contralto, with a faulty method of production.
The tenors shall consist of many fair gentlemen, who do not mind straining their voices. All the gentlemen left over are required to sing bass.
Basses are at liberty to sing tenor, if they feel that their extensive compass is not duly recognised. He must be a poor worm of a bass who cannot sing tenor if he likes.
No notice should be taken of the conductor. Do not trouble to look at his beat. He should tap. What your next door neighbour is saying is sure to be of greater interest to you.
The conductor is always pleased to receive advice from individual members. He likes to receive hints as to choir management, suggestions as to ‘tempo’ and expression, and is delighted to be instructed in the elements of musical grammar. If you think he has made a mistake, tell him so!
Members of the choir are recommended to take home copies of music to look over at their leisure. It really doesn’t matter if they don’t bring them back, because choir funds are usually in a flourishing condition, and more copies can always be bought.
Attributed to The Australian Musical News, 1st March 1915
