It’s “Captain’s Celebration Day”
At Seven Lakes Golf Club. All play
A round of 18 holes to see
Who winner of the Cup will be.
But Capitan Geoff has fallen ill.
So someone has his place to fill;
Should it be Nick as he is “Vice”,
Or Simon, “proper and precise”? …
A better choice? Or may be not
As “people skills” he hasn’t got.
Nick’s girlfriend, Tiffany, must do
The cooking on the barbecue.
They’ve sausages and pies brought in
By Nick who found them in a bin.
They hope the visitors won’t mind
There’s sandwiches of just one kind.
Wife Laura phones and then rings back
Says Mum has had a heart attack.
But Simon says he’s things to do.
Pretends that he’s at B & Q.
Leaves Laura coping on her own
While he refuses to come home.
Laura’s no other choice so she
Drives Mother to the A & E.
Chance meeting at the hospital
Where Tiffany has need to call
As well, dismayed, she learns what’s more
That Simon’s nowhere near a store.
Her husband’s lied to her the swine -
Been at the Golf Course all the time!
Revengeful Laura goes too far
Drinks Simon’s “Limit” at the bar.
With gin and tonic, lots of wine
Poor Laura has a boozie time.
The Lady Members, they may leave
If better treatment don’t receive.
Offending bush that’s in their way,
If that bush goes, then they will stay.
Ladies objections should be heeded;
Are useful when their help is needed.
But Simon, sounding none too keen
Cites problems as yet unforeseen.
Decisive action, tools are gathered
To straight away remove the hazard.
A chainsaw and a tractor take.
Nick’s girlfriend drives, a big mistake!
Nick’s precious bike, his favourite toy,
And Simon’s car, his pride and joy.
The tractor’s flattened both – Oh dear!
That wasn’t news they’d want to hear.
And worse to come, the one onboard
Was Tiffany who’s not insured.
A little blackmail saves the day,
Persuading Simon he will say
That he was driving, because he
Can drive the tractor legally.
“Bad” news from hospital, they say
That Mother’s coming home to stay.
There’s trouble at the evening meal
Nick’s food is making people ill.
It’s quite an ending to their day.
But all agree that they would say
That all that’s happened is perforce
In Golfing terms “Par for the Course”.
