Gillian Mary Spurgeon was born on 4th April 1935 to Horace and Amy Spurgeon. Younger sister to my father John who was five years older.
Gillian has always been Gill to me and my immediate family, although when Chris, my late sister and I were very young, Aunty Gill somehow got translated to “Dirty Engine” a moniker she enjoyed with good humour.
For many years we’d go and see “Gran, Grandpop and Dirty Engine”.
No account of Gill’s life would be possible without some insight into her father. Horace had served as a rifleman at the very end of the Great War and was by then a civil servant commuting daily to London. He was very self disciplined, worked very hard and expected his wife to keep house to a high standard.
I don’t think Gill’s early years were unhappy, but her father was certainly of a “children should be seen and not heard” generation and his ideas of a woman’s role – and Gill’s future, were very old fashioned.
Later in life, Gill would tell us that she was upset both by the way he scolded her mum, and that his expectations of her as a child were not at all sympathetic. As an example, she remembered being sent to bed on a summers evening while the neighbours were outside playing in the garden and her father came into the room several times very angry that she hadn’t got straight to sleep as he’d told her to!
From an early age Gill wanted pets but, having a cost and no practical benefit, they didn’t fit in her father’s plans! I think that over time, Gill came to embody the qualities of kindness, empathy, patience and compassion which were not much displayed by her own father.
The family lived in Surrey and were committed members of the Bookham congregational church. Julia recently commented that a sermon at St George’s had ‘gone on a bit’ and Gill replied ‘that was nothing! we were often in church for 3 hours when I was a child!’
Gill went, in due course, to Dorking Grammar school which involved a train journey that she hated. Some 70 years later she still read the magazine of the former pupils’ association.
The Bookham congregational church had a thriving youth section and Gill formed enduring friendships there, particularly Valerie and Jeffrey. Gill was to be bridesmaid at Valerie’s wedding to Maurice and they remained good friends. Valerie sends her condolences to us all.
Gill went to Homerton College in Cambridge in 1959 and some of her friends from that period have sent lovely notes when they heard of her passing. They remember her as being “such fun!”, a patient lady, liked by everyone, who sang and was part of the “Cong – Soc” a student organisation of the congregational church.
Gill had a happy working life as an infant school teacher at Staplehurst in Kent. Again, I’m grateful for one particular condolence card which says “my first year of teaching was made all the sweeter thanks to Gillian’s care and support and was the happiest at that school…”.
Once settled into a career and her own home, Gill was ready for her first dog!
“Boss” was a rough collie, full of energy, hair and teeth – but Gill was devoted. Although there was some question about who was the boss in the relationship, it was the start of a long and fulfilling relationship that Gill had with her dogs. She had a series of retired greyhounds and rescue dogs including Jacob, Beauty and Mitty.
With so many teachers, Spurgeon life revolved around the school year and Gill, and a dog, often joined us at Christmas. My memories include: her contribution to dinner - delicious smoked gammon from the local butcher in Hawkhurst; that she didn’t need much sleep and that she had a prodigious capacity for drinking tea. Every pot was decanted into a thermos flask and not a drop would be wasted.
She also loved that Mum and Dad were “bon viveurs” - especially with wine – Gill would comment every year on how her father would have disapproved.
I hope that eccentric is not a non pc expression. Gill was rather eccentric – often during a meal for example, she would burst out laughing or giggling at odd times. When asked, she would reveal that she’d been thinking about something with a very tenuous link to the rest of the conversation.
My over riding impression is that Gill was happy. Happy with her independence and her own company. Happy with her dogs. Happy she never married. Even in her last hospital bed Fr Charles cracked a gentle joke about not being able to hear because he didn’t have his glasses on – and Gill giggled.
Gill said she was a shy person. The local church, St Laurence Hawkhurst, the Mothers’ Union and the Womens Institute became places she turned to and found friendship. She took a leading role when the district WI formed a choir – something she enjoyed immensely.
When glaucoma took Gran’s eyesight, Gill took on the role of looking after her. They moved in together in Oak Cottage, Hawkhurst. Again, I get the feeling that Gill was good, kind and caring in the role.
When Gill retired from teaching, she took classes to learn Italian and the tutor remembers she usually arrived a little late and flustered but was always cheerful.
Gill joined a twinning trip to Italy with her newly learned language skills and went on a trip to Australia to visit Chris and his family – she thoroughly enjoyed both of these adventures. Perhaps she was less shy as she got older.
In 2016 Gill suddenly announced that she needed looking after and it was Julia and I who would have to do it! She had gone, overnight it seemed, from being the lady who looked after and gave lifts to the old ladies in the village, to being one of those old ladies herself. We are eternally grateful to her many friends in Hawkhurst who looked out for her, especially Don and Verity who, I think, were probably doing all the grocery shopping by that time.
Gill moved to a flat in Waterlooville and a fresh start at Saint Georges. Sadly, her eyesight was really poor and she was too anxious to have any real independence. But we were very fortunate to have her nearby that allowed us to involve her in family occasions across all the generations. We had many happy meals together and can confidently say that Gill would always be the last to finish!
Two last anecdotes.
Gill wanted to have a big celebration for her 80th birthday. The local garden centre had a lovely café attached and seemed an ideal venue. Gill had a difficult relationship with computers and she persuaded Dad to help her getting out the invitations to everyone on her enormous Christmas card address list.
Sadly, Gill was not good at keeping track of the replies. On the big day, one of the guests describes the poor manager of the restaurant having to perform “a loaves and fishes catering miracle” as dozens more guests than anticipated appeared to help Gill celebrate.
Finally, Gill was an extremely caring person – she wanted to help all sorts of people and animals in many different situations. The list of charity monthly standing orders from her bank ran to a whole side of A4.
It will be a privilege to help her, as executor, to complete her generous legacies in respect of: Christian Aid, SENSE (National Deaf Blind and Rubella Association), Biblelands, St Georges Church - Waterlooville, Queen Elizabeth Foundation, Retired Greyhound Trust, Woodland Trust, Royal National Institute for Deaf People, St Laurence Church - Hawkhurst and The Cinnamon Trust.
